A Little Insight into What the Hell I’m Doing With My Life
or, why I dropped out of school this semester to explore Southeast Asia
or, why I dropped out of school this semester to explore Southeast Asia
I don’t often feel the need to justify myself to the general population.
I’ve made some questionable decisions in my day (and I thank God for my the unwavering support of my parents who, for one reason or another, trust me to know what is best for me.) I switched between three different high schools during the last two years of my secondary education. While my peers applied to countless colleges, I applied to two — my dream school and a backup. Despite rejection, I forced my way into the single university I wanted to attend. At risk of a secondary rejection, I pushed back my admission until the following year so as to travel through Europe at 18 years old. When a business degree suddenly didn’t seem right, I snaked my way into one of the world’s best film schools (and, ironically enough, will still graduate with a business entrepreneurship minor.) And now, I am dropping out of school temporarily to explore Southeast Asia.
If a semester abroad is entirely necessary to refresh my perspective, train my mind and prepare for my final year of education before delving into the exponentially larger fish tank of professional life, why should I bother keeping the world informed of what I am doing? If you don’t get it, you don’t get it. Why should I waste either of our time trying to prove myself to those who may not care to begin with?
I write every single day to both meditatively debrief every 24 hours and to remember the past. Not all of my thoughts and words are fit for publication.
But mustn’t some of them be?
I suppose this flawed methodology has allowed me to delay the writing and publication of my first public post.
And so, I begin.
Hello world!
My name is Joe, and although I do not know very much, I strive to learn at least a little bit more every single day. Since January 26th of this year, I have been exploring the north of Thailand. I am currently en route to the less traveled jungles of the West to volunteer a few weeks of my time at the Foundation of Western Forest Complex Conservation (FWFCC) in Thong Pha Phum, a heavily forested agricultural district dominated by its mountainous National Park, before journeying to the islands of the south. From there, the entire Southeast Asian region is my oyster.
This trip began at an incredibly frenetic pace. My work assisting the Media Meets Message project in collaboration with USC’s School of Cinematic Arts, the US State Department and a number of talented media professionals from Pakistan, Nigeria, Indonesia and Dubai (more on this humbling experience later) concluded on a Friday. Followed by a flurry of temporary ‘goodbye’s and ‘see you later’s during a mess of packing up my life in LA on Saturday, I spent Sunday driving back to the Bay Area, and Monday filling my fresh-out-the-Amazon-box backpack with as little gear as possible (a task that could’ve used a bit more efficiency, considering I shipped home about 20kg of clothes today to alleviate my back). A last minute family dinner and an all nighter (to ensure mise en place prior to departure) later, I hopped a Bangkok-bound plane in San Francisco on Tuesday morning.
I suppose I don’t want to miss out on anything wherever I go. What a shame to arrive in a city and fall in love with it, only to be whisked away by a prearranged bus ticket, heart torn at the possibility of never returning! I am moving at a glacial pace relative to the hordes of excited backpackers I have encountered. I will never experience everything, but God knows I try. As such, spontaneous new friends enter and exit the scene, spending a couple days in a new city and almost immediately fleeing at cues marked by prepurchased plane tickets and prior bookings. The environment of the hostel at which I plant myself transforms by checkout as waves of travelers come and go, creating an evolving tapestry of stories and experiences. Chance encounters begin to feel ever so fateful. How have I gone my entire life without my incredible pack of cliff jumping French Canadians, or a reckless barefoot crew of motorcycling hippies? And how easily, with a hostel bed prearranged rather than spontaneously booked, we could have passed each other by…
The world is rich with people to meet, lessons to learn, experiences to be had (and, not to mention, food to be eaten!) I so dearly love my school, my friends, my family. But a staleness persisted in my mind throughout the last Fall semester. Procrastination took over my life. I completed all my schoolwork, sure, but it lacked the passion I used to know. I felt incredibly lazy, doing the minimum possible to get a passable result. I developed a potential thesis project about which I cared too little. I wasted hours between spurts of productivity doing absolutely nothing, between cheap excuses to impassionately drink away evenings with friends and acquaintances. I crave change, and none was in sight on my current path towards gradation. And as seconds, minutes, hours slip through my fingers, the fear settled in. How am I to survive in the world post graduation with no sense of passion, no tangible momentum, to thrust me forward?
With assistance from my patient academic advisor (endless thanks to you Sonia, I’ve certainly put you through the ringer!) I found my major and minor could be completed alongside my class in 3.4 years rather than 4, allowing time for a gap semester. I mulled over the opportunity, and an hour of procrastination-free mulling later my conclusion arrived.
I want to ditch school in the spring to go to Asia. And I don’t want to bring a phone.
Ok, so you want to travel. But why Asia? After considering returning to Europe — I’ve yet to explore so much of the continent, and the allure of some previously visited cities still draws me back — it is already comfortable to me. Safe, if you will. Thailand may be a common stop on a backpacker’s route, but never before have I delved headfirst into Asian culture. Considering the country’s natural beauty, comfortably hot climate, incredibly welcoming people, food to die for, and a notch of exoticism and foreignness above the western cultures I’ve become accustomed to, why not Asia?!
Fair enough. But why no phone? I had allowed technology to permeate my psyche far deeper than ever imagined. I don’t blame Tim Cook and Mark Zuckerberg for the problems I’ve permitted to arise from their magical modern technology and software. The problems are entirely my own. No one else is to be held accountable for my own lack of discipline. I start to question myself after spending an embarrassing number of hours switching between social media sites to keep tabs on a constant barrage of notifications and news stories. Incredibly important tools necessary in my day to day media-based schoolwork, my beloved iPhone and MacBook, had become road blocks to success. What good would a phone do me abroad?! I need to force discipline upon myself!
I anticipated the detractors. The doubtful ‘yeah okay…’, the hesitant ‘alright then…’, the skeptical ‘you’re gonna do that again!?’ Indeed, the choice reactions’ thoughtlessness was reminiscent of what I heard all too often following my gap year: ‘How great that you could explore the world BEFORE you have to begin real life!’ As if real life is composed entirely of prepackaged, mass-produced and boring-as-hell experiences? As if I couldn’t both explore the world and maintain a sense of responsiblity for my success? At each response, my grin grew a bit wider. A spark alighted within at the challenge to break my routine, to prove again to myself, paying no mind to critics, that I CAN.
And so, here I am aboard a night bus to the Kanchanaburi region, the taste of spicy tamarind from a beloved 7–11 lingering in my mouth, sweating over my internet-disconnected iPad next to an elderly orange robed monk who somehow manages to smile while he snores.
I have pushed my taste bud’s limits for spicy food with meaty noodle soups in the night markets chased by fragrant lemongrass teas in bamboo glasses.
I felt the freedom of zooming through the unexplored northern countrysides on a motorcycle to catch the sunset atop a beautiful canyon.
Consequently, I have crashed said motorcycle on a mountainous stretch of dirt road to a distant hot springs, and enjoyed popping cheap Thai antibiotics for the last few weeks.
I’ve enjoyed the freshest of fruits foreign and familiar by day, piled precariously on street carts and sold for pennies.
I’ve slurped down rum out of a coconut shell between seedy nightclubs on dark Bangkok streets to the cooing of prostitutes of all shapes, sizes and genders by night, and felt the peace (and humidity!) of the city’s parks by day.
I have fed, bathed and played with elephants (in full anticipation of my upcoming 3-day excursion into the Thom Pha Phum wilderness to photograph elusive and dangerous wild elephants.)
I’ve learned how to cook a most incredible Pad Thai, and I’ve discovered chain-link walled urban Muay Thai gyms to prevent myself from regretting it.
I’ve been splashed in the face by Bangkok’s less-than-fresh scented canals aboard a water taxi and found myself haggling over a measly 10 baht for a Tuk Tuk ride (The only time I’ve been called a stupid American by a Thai, mind you.)
I have insidiously snuck my way into a “high-so” pool party atop a Bangkok highrise and silently navigated a bamboo boat down a rural river.
I have meditated silently for 2 days among Buddhist monks, and caffeine binged on cafe crawls throughout Chiang Mai.
Without the convenience of an iPhone camera, my DSLR beckons me to take photos with thought and purpose. I have found time to read more Viktor Frankel and Dale Carnegie than ever possible with a full school schedule, and for the first time in years I purchased a pocketsized Moleskine notebook to catalog my thoughts and inspirations as they come.
I am getting out of bed earlier, finding time to meditate and pray, read and write, photographing subjects intentionally, initiating strangers in deeply engaging conversations without even the possibility of digital distraction.
The spark is returning.
Eventually I will return home, begin an internship, take classes, and settle back into a routine. But I’m not ready for that just yet.
I am Joe. I don’t know much, but I am learning every day.
And, pardon my French, I fucking love it.
On the horizon: a bit of volunteering with wild elephants and lions in the western jungles, a return to Bangkok to meet and discuss with various digital media professionals, and a jaunt to the southern islands.
This site will, in time, populate itself with my photos, videos, musings on culture and life and it’s vastness. All feedback and suggestions are welcome and appreciated!